I knew it. I’ve always thought Hello Kitty has some dark secret — like, I dunno, licking herself in various crevices, doing it with four cheetahs at a time, drunk dialing and having phone sex with strangers — but this is just icing on the cake!!!
Welcome to Hello Kitty’s S&M dungeon. The cave’s entrance (1:29): a deliciously pink flower swollen enough to accommodate not just one… erm, pussy, but two! (Soundtrack: “Come inside, come inside”) The metaphor would surely delight lesbians the world over.
Inside, the naive-naive-an girl is greeted by Hello Kitty’s dungeon headmistress who is seen pouring lubricant all over the place (2:04). In a subtle homage to Alma Moreno, headmistress is next seen swaying left and right with four half-naked men with Hello Kitty heads (2:14).
Neneng joins the fray. No wallflower, she positions herself at the center of the naked men, who all gamely welcome her (2:32). To the girl’s dismay, the men turn out to be gay so she buries her head in her arms in shame for not being able to tell yet again! (2:35).
Immediately, the boys discover na ang tigas ng katawan nung bagong salta na neneng, so they try to knead the knots in her body with their fingertips (2:43).
Headmistress is not amused by the latest recruit’s talent. In Zsa Zsa Zaturnnah fashion (2:55), she invokes her inner goddess and shows neneng how it’s done: beginning with her sexy, luray-luray come-on walk (2:57), following it up with a strong, Cleokittypatra formation (3:07), and finishing with a fantastic Tyra Banks-Next Top Model-still in the running-high fashion pictorial-ihi lang ang pahinga-at may lubricant pa ang floor sa lagay na yan-pose-off (3:18).
Neneng is blown away by the headmistress’s earth-shattering skills (3:45); she couldn’t handle it. However, starstruck girls with no talent are not welcome in the dungeon. She is kicked out and given a doll as consolation.
See all that action here:
So how does this translate the Hello Kitty brand? Simple.
Hello Kitty is not for little girls anymore.