Lingkod L

Three years ago, I blogged about running for senator this year. To those who promised me their votes, I am sorry. I can’t run this 2010.

For one, Lorin LaGuardia, for obvious reasons, refuses to dress up as Baby Spice and announce my entrance at the Miting de Avance. She opted to run as Vice President and I wish her well. In fact, I called her three days ago:

Me: Oy, Lorin.

L: It’s so good to hear from you! Manny and I were just discussing…

Me: Stop it, woman! You know I don’t want anyone mentioning his name…

L: Ay, sorry…

Me: Dapat lang. Kala mo ang ganda mo ha…

L: What do you mean?

Me: Your ad, Lorin.

L: You mean you don’t like it?

Me: Like it? Kulang na lang mag-bayo ka ng palay. Anong peg nyo, Amorsolo painting? (*to self* I’m so cultured talaga and clever!)

L: My advisers did think…

Me: Mare, kung environment girl ka na rin lang, itodo mo na no.

L: Like how?

Me: Get Chin-Chin Guttierez to endorse you! She talks to the wind, trees and birds. You can all star in an ad ala Pocahontas. Get shirtless men to surround you — dun kayo sa Pagsanjan, maraming bangkero do’n. Pa-rebond ka ng bundok tapos mega-talon ka sa waterfalls! Tapos when you emerge from the water — dapat on cue as you flip your hair ha — you sing Colors of the Wind but you change it to The Colors of Lorin.

L: The Colors of Lorin?

Me: O eh di ba, anti-Erap ka dati, tapos lumipat ka kay FPJ, tapos iniwan mo si Chiz, and finally, look at where you are now! Ay sorry, I have to go…

L: You don’t understa…

*click*

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