I didn’t like how Lorin ended our conversation. I figured I hurt her feelings. I mean, here she was, still reeling from the embarrassment of her debate performance, and I had the gall to suggest that she’s a prost…
Teka, it’s Tita GMA.
GMA: Yes, iho. I thought I’d check on you and Lorin while I’m having a vacation.
Me: Tita, you’re out of the country?
GMA: No, I’m at St. Luke’s. It’s so nice here. It’s not like being in a Philippines hospital… so First World… so in line with my cyber corrider… Mikeey!!! Wear your diapers — you’re so gross!!!
Anyway, I called to suggest that you apologize to Lorin. Money Villar can arrange the meeting.
Me: I’m sorry Tita, I won’t call Money Villar. He’s kadiri. He’s mahirap and unhygienic.
GMA: Dati yun, gaga! He doesn’t have anything to do with dagat and basura anymore…
Me: Yucky pa din. He has no haciendas; like puro subdivision and masa condo properties lang.
GMA: No, he was never mahirap. He’s may kaya all along.
Me: Huh? What about his paawa ads? Aside from being a basura kid, he had no pera to make pagamot his now dead brother. And he lived in an Orc wasteland, di ba?
Me: What’s so funny, Tita?
GMA: You’re tanga pala, ahihihi. You’re so gullible! We made those up lang kaya no.
Me: How can you make imbento such claims?
GMA: Eh you know naman Money, he’s mautak. That’s how he caught up with that abnoy candidate — so many tanga voters to fool. Besides, Money learned from the best, ahihihi.
Me: So which did he make up?
GMA: *giggles* EVERYTHING! They lived in a 560sqm house and were able to afford a private hospital and sosyal na funeraria for Danny! His mom’s not a tindera but a dealer — for a legal business we’d normally not be into — but still a dealer nonetheless.
Me: Tita, that’s like, wow ha. That’s like, wow.
GMA: Correct! So call him na, you’ll like him.
Me: I’m like, out of words. I mean, to twist your brother’s death to advance your ambition… LOVES IT!!! Sige na nga, I’ll give him a call na.
Ay wait, Tita. Why are you in the hospital pala?
GMA: Ah, there’s nothing to worry about. Migs is just having one of his routine heart problems.
GMA: Why, yes! How else would we know that Lucifer still loves us, if not by scaring us, then loaning us more years! Look at what happens to good people like Cory and Haydee… ahihihi. O sya, ciao!