A prelude to the commencement speech

After talking to Tita GMA, I realized that I do owe Lorin LaGuardia an apology. So I swallowed all my pride and called her up:

Me: Sorry na.

Lorin: Hmp.

Me: Sorry na, please. It was wrong of me to imply whatever it was that I implied.

Lorin: Hmp.

Me: In fact, I felt so bad for what happened and given your recent lower ratings, I thought I’d help you out.

Lorin: Help me? As in improve my ratings?

Me: Yes! And make you win — I’ll do whatever it takes.

Lorin: I’m listening.

Me: Thank you Lorin. Well, first of all, I think we need to corner Mar’s market.

Lorin: I’ve done that. I’ve toured many palengkes na and ate with my bare hands with Money.

Me: Yes, yes there’s that but there’s also Mar’s sosyal market: The Arneyow University.

Lorin: What about The Arneyow?

Me: Well, since it’s graduation season, I thought it’d be fantastic if you deliver the commencement address. I’ll arrange it with the school officials; trust me, I can get you the spot.

Lorin: Magandang PR yan ha. I can directly talk to the students, connect with their parents, and address the entire Jesuit community. Ika nga nila, it’s a win-win situation, or in this case, win-win-win! Sabi rin nila, it’s like shooting two birds with one stone, or in this case, shooting three birds with one stone, only in this case, the stone stands for words, which sabi nila, is mightier than the sword… although of course, being pro-environment — alam mo naman, aking pinaglalaban ang karapatan ng ating environment, pati na rin ng mga kababaihan at si Mother Earth ay isang babae — I am against the shooting of birds.

Me: Err… um, yes. And don’t worry na about the speech. I’ll write it for you. As in all you need to do is show up, smile and make beso-beso to everyone.

Lorin: Brilliant! You know naman, I’m so busy na nga these days.

Me: So ano, peace na?

Lorin: Ikaw naman, you’re so paranoid! I was never mad at you! Friends naman talaga tayo eh. When we meet at The Arneyow, you can go ahead and claim your free hug from Ate Lorin!

This was last week. A few days after Lorin’s speech, hell broke loose and I find myself in the midst of a huge controversy 😦 Will post about it tomorrow.

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