|Voldy, I think we found someone for you.|
I was close to tears (from laughter) after reading this column by Tingting Cojuangco on last Sunday’s The Philippine Star. She wrote that she loves to people-watch, and took a swipe at one particular sub-group:
I nearly get bumped off my bench by—how shall I describe her delicately—a fat woman.
Yes, why settle for dainty descriptions when you can just ram the imagery onto your readers, straight and simple:
There is no avoiding calling her that because she was really fat, as wide as three people at least.
And then, after you’ve reconsidered your intention to be pleasant, why not just go ahead and be—how shall I put this delicately—an asshole:
I worry for her seatmates on the plane, and I wonder if it ever occurs to them to be sorry for being fat when they have to fit into an airplane seat.
Wow, what a roll! *applause, standing ovation* But of course, like a good Catholic, she atones for her sin and brings up God because there is beauty in all of us:
People come in all shapes and sizes, in all personalities, moods, and character. I love to remind myself that in so much variety, we can only be sure of one thing—that there is so much good in every one of God’s creatures.
I find it all so… Damasonian.