Colomimbyerna

rating: 4/10

I can forgive a movie for being a cliché but I find it difficult to forgive a movie for being so contrived.

In Colombiana, Zoe Saldana:

  • wears skintight and ultra thin body suits that show off her nipples
  • wears loose tank tops that show off her nipples
  • licks a lollipop and gives it a blowjob
  • has sex
  • shower

… all for no reason, except to appeal to a male and lesbian audience and show off her nipples. (Note that I keep on extolling her nipples because there are no breasts to speak of.)

Me: I’m not in a position to comment on her sex appeal.

Lesbian friend: She is NOT sexy!

Straight girl friend: She has a select fan base—geeks.

Also in the movie, Michael Vartan, who falls in love with Zoe not knowing she’s an assassin:

  • prepares her breakfast in bed
  • wants her to ask him three questions so they can get to know each other
  • stops her from taking off her top (and showing off her nipples) because… he prefers to talk.

The last time I had seen this much mockery on film was when Denise Richards played a nuclear physicist.

Mideo Cruz, this movie needs your etits plastered on it.

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