July 25, 2017

10:44 a.m.
Five hours of sleep, max

Late for work; darn new shoes gave me blisters so I had to replace my band-aid at Figaro when I could still have made a run for it. Nervous for when the band-aid falls off during CrossFit later. I cursed out loud while crossing Mang Inasal in Jupiter Ave earlier because it hurt so bad—can’t imagine how worse it would be if it happens while working out.

P and I got to air our issues last night. [paragraph redacted]

Anyway, things are lighter between us this morning. I do start to realize my faults in a relationship, specifically how I do not try to be in the shoes of the other person. When I demand for something, I do not think of how that demands time, emotion, resources, and energy from the other person, too. That’s it’s not as simple as the demand itself. And with P, I think about what he demands of me, and to be honest, there’s little to none. There’s joy in him when I’m with him as if that’s all that matters.

When he expresses himself seriously, I know and understand and I can feel how his love overflows, how it’s almost beyond his capabilities and how it’s beyond himself. At the same time, there’s also finality to his statements, like he’s already given up, usually to someone—a non-existent someone—and to a foreboding death.


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