Sunday, July 30, 2017

10:43 p.m.

Just returned from Laguna after spending the weekend with P. Together, we spent over P5,000 for the overnight jaunt *shocked. Why was it this expensive? I also survived not eating junk food or drinking soda and iced tea. I haven’t told P about this resolution which I made (again) last week, so while I was in the restroom and he was doing grocery, he got me my favorite chips. When I returned, he had already paid for them. So I bought myself apples as snack, plus soy milk and oatmeal for the house. It was torture to be in the hotel as he ate what would have been my chips one bag after the other, haha (Calbee’s Honey Butter Potato Chips is the best 💛💛💛). For dinner, we had chopsuey and lumpiang shangai at Classic Savory, then for lunch the next day, it was bulalo and pinakbet at Kaldo (usually, we’ll have liempo or sisig). I am trying to, once again, not necessarily eat 100-percent healthy, but be more cautious. But for sure, I’ll be stricter about cutting off soda and chips completely. (Calbee, 😭😭😭)

As usual, I had a lot of sleep. P finally hit send on that resignation letter, which he’d been wanting to do for weeks. I thought he had no choice, based on his stories and the email threads he showed me. Stories like his make me recognize how lucky I have been with my work. He’s a licensed engineer who earns only [redacted]! And it’s such a stressful job; the project management he’s done and continues to do is something I’ve never experienced in my entire 13-year career.

Texting with P now—told him I’m writing on my journal now1, which is the first time he’s learned that I have one. He asked when he’d be able to read it, I said when I’m dead. Which reminds me, he’s not included in my final instructions yet.

 


  1. This online version is not the journal; I have another one which is more detailed and honest—not that this version isn’t honest, just incomplete. 👼 So when I write ‘redacted,’ it truly is redacted from the journal. 

Saturday, July 29, 2017

2:34 p.m.
Feeling very accomplished today: cleaned my room, disposed of two boxes of stuff I didn’t even know I own, found my VMV membership card, wiped the dust off all walls and corners of my bedroom, changed my bedsheet, cleaned the electric fan, had yesterday’s leftover of lechon macau, kangkong with bagoong and yang chow fried rice for lunch, and finally, did 108 reps of dead stop pushup (14, 18, 16, 18, 22). I’ve taken a shower and I’m now enjoying my third cup of coffee for the day. I’ll continue with the Spanish film, The Invisible Guest, which I started watching on Netflix last night.

The sun is out.

July 27, 2017

10:01 a.m.
Beautiful, beautiful 8 hours of sleep

I’m drenched. My shirt is wet from the shoulders down my back and so are my jeans from the knees down; my shoes and socks are drenched—I’ve taken them off (good thing I have spare shoes here in the office), but I doubt they’ll dry by the time I go to the gym. I wish I stayed home, but none of my teammates texted me to say they’re not reporting for work, so I felt I had no choice. (Plus, almost everyone else is here in the office.)

I didn’t have dinner last night, which partly explains why I slept early and got my blissful 8 hours of sleep. I had noodles with beef and wanton an hour before working out, so I was still full by the time we finished, though my stomach started grumbling one hour after I got home. (The only time I wished I still have protein shake.) Gio invited me for dinner with two other Crossfitters , but since I had an early day—I was awake by 4 a.m.—I had to take a rain check.

I weighed myself this morning: I am now 171lbs—where did my 9lbs go? I was just 3lbs shy my ideal weight when I stopped drinking protein, but now I’m back to where I started. I didn’t even retain any of the weight I gained from drinking the mass gainer. Though my shirts fit better and many in the gym have been remarking on my shoulders, which they say got bigger, so I’m not sure if I lost fat pounds but gained a bit of muscle weight. Legs are still depressingly thin—it must be in the genes.

Yesterday’s workout:

Four minutes – 20 seconds on, 10 seconds off
Hollow hold
Superman hold

Three rounds, 12min cap
25 jumping pull ups
25 floor dips
50 sit-ups (jeezus)

Eight rounds
Squats – hold for 20 seconds, rest for 10 seconds (jeezus)

Notes: For the second part, I only finished two rounds plus 50 reps.

11:29 p.m.
If a year ago, you told me I would be wearing my wet socks and shoesnotwithstanding my blistersthen go straight to the gym after work in the pouring rain, I would say you’re crazy. As a matter of fact, I couldn’t believe it earlier either; I’ve no idea where I’m drawing this new motivation from. I feel like I’ve broken a new wall, the one that kept me trapped in self-doubt and general malaise. Maybe I’ll dig deeper in a later entry, but I suppose all articles I have read and keep reading about middle age and exercise have helped. And also, just wanting… change. If it weren’t for my workouts, I’ll have lot less to write about. I wouldn’t have any new experiences or even social interactions beyond my circle of family, friends, and colleagues, which have become very predictive, although there’s comfort in that, too. I have this new avenue wherein I can push myself and see where I can go, both physically and mentally. I could have gone home at 5:30 p.m., taken a hot shower, finaaally dried my feet, and snuggled up in a blanket while watching movies; instead, I went in the opposite direction—that’s mental. And there were still a good number of people at the gym, too, which in itself was highly motivating; excuses are harder to come by.

Today’s workout:

Five rounds
Five back squats at 115lbs every 2mins

Tabata
Air squats
Hollow hold

2mins rest

Tabata
Air squats
Glute bridge

2mins rest

Tabata
Air squats
Superman hold

Notes: During BSQ, Coach noted that I should put the weight on my heel; thanks to Anton, the three of us—he, Emman and I—were able to do 135lbs on the last round. Did between 9 and 11 air squats every 20 seconds; struggled on the last two superman hold.

 

July 26, 2017

3:48 a.m.
Where did this typhoon come from?

8:28 a.m.
I never managed to fall back to sleep again. Didn’t have much time to fix myself in the mirror before going to work—I wanted to take advantage of the clear skies and I still had to buy a birthday cake for my teammate (eventually settled for donuts). So I was shocked to see how bloodshot my eyes were when I eventually reached my office.

Running list of Jason today:

  • Four hours of sleep
  • Bloodshot eyes
  • Rhinitis

Stores I left muddy shoeprints all over:

  • Starbucks
  • Krispy Kreme

*

Yesterday’s workout:

13 deadlifts at 95lbs for every 1.5 minutes for five rounds

Partners
Three rounds, 15min cap*
30 front and back lunges (total of 60)
Row 500m

*working simultaneously, then switch

Notes: Deadlifts was a breeze compared to my previous record of 12 deadlifts at 95lbs for six rounds (with me sitting out the fifth round); did two rounds of the partner stunts with about 200m row and 60 lunges remaining before time elapsed. My rowing time was awful—about 2:20 for every 500m. I finished the remaining 200m. Those lunges were something—I’ve never been more thankful for doing rows instead, lol. My new shoes gave me hell—I should have worn socks the first time I wore them. I think I would have performed better if I wore my old pair.

July 25, 2017

10:44 a.m.
Five hours of sleep, max

Late for work; darn new shoes gave me blisters so I had to replace my band-aid at Figaro when I could still have made a run for it. Nervous for when the band-aid falls off during CrossFit later. I cursed out loud while crossing Mang Inasal in Jupiter Ave earlier because it hurt so bad—can’t imagine how worse it would be if it happens while working out.

P and I got to air our issues last night. [paragraph redacted]

Anyway, things are lighter between us this morning. I do start to realize my faults in a relationship, specifically how I do not try to be in the shoes of the other person. When I demand for something, I do not think of how that demands time, emotion, resources, and energy from the other person, too. That’s it’s not as simple as the demand itself. And with P, I think about what he demands of me, and to be honest, there’s little to none. There’s joy in him when I’m with him as if that’s all that matters.

When he expresses himself seriously, I know and understand and I can feel how his love overflows, how it’s almost beyond his capabilities and how it’s beyond himself. At the same time, there’s also finality to his statements, like he’s already given up, usually to someone—a non-existent someone—and to a foreboding death.

Aside 072417

9:34 p.m.

Snapped at P earlier. He fetched me after work, which means I gave up gym class today, which was important to me, especially after having a side conversation with one of our coaches during that dinner; I asked him (coach) about the importance of recovery days and he said that as long as you get your 8 hours (or thereabouts) of sleep, then that's good enough (as opposed to taking the entire day off), so I've been meaning to ramp up my workout starting this week, but P insisted on seeing me at 5:30—not 8 p.m. or 10 p.m. as we finally agreed on, but immediately after work—so I didn't really have a choice as he was already on his way to my office by 5:15 p.m. So I was okay with that, but then he was whining every 3 minutes from Makati through EDSA to Pioneer because he wanted to do something else, so I screamed because I've.Had.It. We were both shocked at my reaction and I could feel the tears well up in my eyes, so I had to compose myself as I sat still through the traffic for about 5 minutes. We ended up being very mature about it afterward and thankfully, that was that. It's been months since we had a major fight—and between work and our relationship, we..

There's a text. Ok, so we're not done. Apparently.

Aside 072117

Shoes are arriving today!

Glad I made it on time for work today. Went home at around 12 midnight after having dinner with gym mates and P.

It was the first time for me to hang out with members of the gym. I’m old but I still get very awkward and anxious when around a group of people, no matter how small or large. Sometimes even among friends. Just the other day, I actually googled “How to be a fun person” (lol)1 because I find myself more and more in situations that require me to network and talk to people, and I look at how others do it so effortlessly and I wonder how I could do the same. Even in press junkets: one time, I was stuck with a bunch of millennials in Boracay and they all easily became friends and I just couldn’t penetrate that wall that was myself and I could tell they were so bored with me. Even when P and I were only started dating, I couldn’t muster enough personality to get him engaged in conversation—it was all very one-sided as I asked him questions like a journalist would. And then I see these reality shows, like Drag Race or Top Model for example, wherein one person always gets assailed for lack of personality or not coming out of her shell or for just being plain boring, and she doesn’t get it because she’s only being herself, and I’m like, I know! So I’m aware. And so I’m trying my best not to romanticize this introversion. So I said yes when G asked me if I wanted to join them for dinner yesterday; I actually appreciated it.

Wow, such a big can for such a simple dinner, haha.

*

I missed P so much. He’s been very busy with work so I pouted my way into scoring a mini date with him last night. He picked me up after dinner with the gym mates and we did one of our favorite pastimes during late night outs—driving through McDonald’s for a Creamy McFreeze and fries, then parking the car on any eskinita and then just people watching and talking about our day. ❤

*

Yesterday’s workout (I think I need to start logging this on Excel so I can track my progress):

First:
Five rounds
Five 95lbs front squats every 2 minutes

Second (teams of two, simultaneous):
Five rounds, 10-minute cap
10 kipping pullups
20 pushups

Notes: Coach approached me to correct my elbow positioning on the squat position during front squat. Barbell must be lodged against throat. During the second workout, I scaled down my pushups on the third round. I had four pushups left when the time expired. Finished them anyway.


  1. Would appreciate it if you have tips, links to articles, or know of books that would help me beat introversion J 

Well-heeled

I’ve been enjoying this rainy weather more than the dry period

Nike Air Presto Ultra Flyknit

I placed another Mr Porter order 😅. On top of their sale, they added another 20 percent discount upon check out, so I just had to get the Nike Air Ultra Flyknit Presto, which was now at 60 percent off.

Justified my order by telling myself that I’ve been meaning to buy another pair of gym shoes because I’ve been wearing the same Adidas ZG Bounce Trainer for all of 9 months. By the way, these Adidas are excellent shoes by themselves: they are still in good condition and I have no complaints, except that the sole at the front tilt upward (which I suppose helps give that bounce when running), so it usually snags the jump rope when I’m doing single-unders. But otherwise, I love them. (I remember the time when I used to work out with my Nike Air Force 1. I might as well have worn clown shoes, haha.)  Anyway, to prolong the lifespan of my present shoes I’ve been thinking of buying another pair to swap them on gym days and so here we are, lol.

I wish I weren’t late for these loafers—they were sold out by the time I saw them:

I’ve finally destroyed my extremely reliable Sebago shoes, so I don’t have casual shoes that can take me from the office to a night on the town (i.e., Lugawan sa Tejeros, lol). I still use them for driving, but I can see the day when I have to do a Marie Kondo and thank these shoes for the wonderful, wonderful 7 years we had together. I’m sad just thinking about that day.

My ultimate shoe goal, however, is a Gucci horsebit loafer. It’s such a classic that it’s the only shoe in the permanent collection of the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York. Maybe soon. 😇

Gucci 1953 Horsebit

The Gucci horsebit loafer will celebrate it’s 65th anniversary next year.

Different times, indeed

A basketful of sneezed-in tissues and counting

Yesterday was a blur. After being excited all morning for Game of Thrones1, which by the way, I have yet to see because #PLDTMyDSL, it was announced that The Philippine Daily Inquirer will be sold to Ramon Ang, a known supporter and campaign donor of Duterte.

It’s hard to imagine that the legacy of the country’s newspaper of record was ever lost on the Prietos, so I consider this a downfall—it had to have been wrung out of their hands. Ang has released a statement saying he “will continue to uphold (PDI’s) highest journalistic standards” though I wish there was more stress on integrity because the phrase could also mean that there are many, and perhaps, other criteria that comprise journalism excellence.

In a Facebook entry, Ed Lingao likens it to the time when The Manila Times was sold by the Gokongweis after immense pressure was placed on it by then President Estrada. (We all know what The Manila Times is now: a dirt rag.)  Although he goes on to say that the paper’s many outstanding journalists went on to spread their roots elsewhere, a silver lining. “These are, to be sure, the best of times, and the worst of times,” he concludes.

*

I was literally sedentary from Friday night to Monday morning, save for the few minutes I spent on walking around the house or getting in and out of P’s car, so Monday night’s workout was a tough one. For the first part, we did six rounds of 12 95lbs deadlift, though I sat out the fifth round because my head was starting to spin and I was afraid I was going to faint any minute. I did finish the sixth round but I knew I was done: I had trouble catching my breath for the rest of the class. For the WOD, it was teams of three for three rounds of simultaneous 40 box jumps and 30 kettlebell high pull, with one teammate resting. All switch stations until everyone gets to do all three and that’s one round. Time cap of 12 minutes 😑. I partnered up with Leonard and Gelo and they were nice enough to give me the first rest period. No one had finished this WOD, even from the morning classes, so I didn’t even bother calculating the breakdown for each round. We ended up finishing 1 round plus 55 reps, because jeezus, who can do 40 box jumps in one minute?!?! For myself, I only got to do 40 box jumps and 45 kettlebells in total. I don’t think I managed to go back to my normal breathing pattern until I was already in bed at home.

*

I’m wearing a millennial pink Mickey Mouse tshirt. Ma found it really cute. It is cute!

 

 


  1. By the way, I have awesome people I’m following online (or at least those I’ve not muted, lol)—no spoilers! 

Sign the petition to lift Grab, Uber suspension

Because we are a backwards country, the LTFRB will begin apprehending Grab and Uber drivers who do not have franchises on July 26. According to James Deakin, once enforced, both companies will only get to operate at 10-percent capacity or service only two out of 10 passengers, which is also pretty much the standard odds that a regular taxi would magnanimously agree to take on a passenger on a regular day.

These drivers do not have franchises because the LTFRB rejected half of their applications early this year and has stopped processing new ones since. If its outdated regulations were to be enforced, it said, it would have already shut down both companies. But since the interest of the riding public “overrides” this provision, said one LTFRB board member (essentially discrediting the actions LTFRB has taken against Grab and Uber), it only leveled a P5 million penalty on both companies, plus the implementation of this franchise rule. The franchise rule, by the way, does not serve the public any purpose BECAUSE GRAB AND UBER HAVE BEEN WORKING PRETTY MUCH CLOSE TO PERFECTION IN THIS COUNTRY AS THE PAST YEARS HAVE SHOWN. The LTFRB is merely driving a wedge between this functional relationship1 when it could do far more productive things like FIXING THE PROBLEM THAT IS PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION IN THIS COUNTRY.

Sign the petition here: Calling for Urgent Action to Finally Lift the TNVS Suspension

 

 


  1. Aside from personal convenience, I use Uber to ferry my senior-citizen parents between doctor appointments when my sister and I could not take a day off work.